Don't put off until tomorrow...

I am a horrid procrastinator. I'm probably the best procrastinator (who actually finishes the job) you will ever meet. (With the exception of my daughter's friend who has been known to begin lengthy term papers at 3 am when they are due at 8 am that day)  That said, you should know that this is one of those "Do as I say, not as I do" moments.

Saturday is New Year's Eve. We all begin another year, and for some reason we've told ourselves that we can start with a clean slate. Of course, that doesn't mean that we face the world in perfection. After all, we are carrying in some baggage in the form of extra body fat, unfinished house hold chores, a lengthy "honey do" list, and probably a few "I'm sorry's" that have not been said. For some reason people still feel like this is the magic date that will allow all the flaws to float away. We can reset those goals that have seemed to fail each previous year, and we can do this with new hope.

Hog wash. (Sorry to burst your romantic bubble)

We all have things about ourselves that we wish were different. Unfortunately, we have a broken way to fix our bad habits that only allows January 1st for us to begin. What we neglect to remember is that these poor habits (or extra pounds) did not arrive quite as quickly as we're hoping they will leave. We have become the person we are over time, and it will take time to change that person.

Failing is part of life. We all fail. Can you imagine what kind of a person we would be if we succeeded at everything that we tried? We would probably begin to have a god complex. Yes, there are those people out there who seem to be good at everything, but they are not. In fact, most people often dwell on their short comings rather than their strengths. Why? I guess it's human nature. We want to fix it. It's easier to accept the bad in ourselves than to see the best. When we do fail, it's easy to want to give up. It's easy to give up on a new years resolution, because we "messed up" once. It's not so easy to give up a life style we are trying to build, realizing that "messing up" will happen.

In other words... Give up on the annual new years resolutions. Make the list of the qualities of the person you want to be, add in a few goal for each item on the list, and look at that list every day. At the end of each day, you may have fallen short in a few areas. However, tomorrow is another day that you will work to become that person. With perseverance you will find that each tomorrow will bring you that much closer to the person you want to be.

Remember, it's a daily way of life... not a weak resolution. Don't give up.

Maybe I should write more often...

I have to confess, it's been so long since I wrote last that I forgot how to start a new post.  Just in case there really is anyone out there reading, you should know that I don't want to write just to write. There are plenty of bloggers already doing that, and the world doesn't need another one. That said, I will try to write about my life lessons, thoughts, ideas and other things that I think may be helpful to my kids some day.

It's the Christmas season. Only 3 shopping days left! ...and of course, I'm not sure what else I need to get. Maybe I should start that list I was going to make a while back. Or maybe I'll be the one surprised on Christmas when everyone opens the gifts and I realize I forgot someone... oops.

My thoughts on the season are simple:

1. Christmas should be more about each of us celebrating the day Christ was given to us as a baby. It should be a private celebration between us and God that can be put into action by giving of ourselves, our time and our wealth to others in a sacrificial way that, in a small way, reflects His original gift.

2. Buying gifts for people who don't need (and often don't want) them is a waste of time, money and resources that can go to help those who do need those resources.

3. None of us can do EVERYTHING to help make this world a better place. But EVERYONE can do SOMETHING to do just that. ...and not just this time of year, but this is a good time to begin doing something every day.

People look forward to this time of year, because they get "warm fuzzies" from seeing all the good in the world. Why can't we have that all year? The answer is that we can. It only takes one person to buy a stranger's coffee in the drive through, be a good listener, or just smile and tell someone they look great today to start a chain reaction that can reach around the world. Just think... if we commit to do something for someone else once a day...  what a difference we could make in our little part of the world.

I hope you have a Blessed and Merry Christmas! May God Bless you today, and always!

I finally did it. My first mammogram. Scary? ...not really. Painful? ...more like uncomfortable. Expensive? ...about the price of a couple of months insurance premiums.

Last week I went in for my very first mammogram. No big deal, right?  A vast majority of women in the US will do this in their lifetime. As a "mammogram virgin" I was a bit unsure of what to expect, and it seems that those who have gone before me all seem to have their own experience that usually includes, "...then they smashed the my boob flat as a pancake!"

As I entered the clinic, I noticed that it was quiet, not brightly lit but soothing. The lady at the front desk was very nice. I filled out the information sheet, and she took me back to get dressed. "Remove all clothing above the waist, and put on the hospital gown... opening in the front. Then you can have a seat in this next room." I did as I was told, and was quickly taken back to a room by a young (and by "young" I mean "shouldn't need to have her own mammogram for another 20 years!") lady.  She was polite and very sweet as she described what was going to happen.

What I wasn't prepared for was her cold hands as she positioned my breast where she needed it to be. After multiple pap tests and giving birth twice, I'm used to doctors and nurses in certain areas... not so used to them in the "other" area. Weird.  But the best part of the day was when she asked me if I was the wife of her husbands work associate. ...Yep, nice to meet you. I'd shake your hand, but it doesn't seem necessary since we've already been intimate.

I redressed, thanked them all, and left after they promised that they would call as soon as the doctor read the mammogram. They kept their promise, and called to tell me I needed to come back and have them "look at" my left breast again. "This is normal," she promised, "for first timers. The doctors don't have last year's pictures to compare it to, so they want to make sure that any little issues are covered."

This week, I went back in and had them "take another picture," sat in another waiting room, and then was told they were sending me to the hospital. "Don't worry, this is just routine." The mammogram didn't get the detail that the doctor needed, so you will need an ultra sound. I asked her what percentage of first timers go to get an ultrasound and she said, "about 10 percent." Okay...  so I'm special.

I have not had an ultrasound since my last pregnancy 14 years ago. So I called my husband to tell him what was going on, text my girlfriend (who currently had breast cancer and is undergoing treatment), and drove to the hospital a few blocks away.  "It's just routine," I kept telling myself...  no worries.

I took my papers to the desk, and the lady there showed me where to undress (I got 2 robes this time), and where to wait. So I dressed and waited. ...and waited....  and waited....  After I had convinced myself that all was fine, I was left in a room with no radio or TV to sit and think about why I was there.  Many many thinks go through your mind at this point. Not the least of which was, "I should have got that other life insurance policy."

I finally got into have the ultrasound, the doctor (whom I have yet to meet) read it, and wants me to come back in 6 months to see if there are any changes. Apparently what he thinks he saw were harmless cysts, but he wants to check again... I'm not sure if he needs a new car, or he's just real thorough.

Anyway... God is good. I have a few more bills to pay, but I now have time to go ahead and find another life insurance policy.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month... October

Lately I've been hanging out with a friend of mine who was diagnosed with "Triple Negative" Breast Cancer. I don't know what that means, but I know that they have given her about 2 years to live. She has agreed to be part of an experimental treatment program, and, with the help of Heaven, she is fighting her terminal diagnosis like hell.

My OBGYN actually retired about 6 years ago. I was not yet 40, and he had not suggested that I get my mammogram. I have never had one. In fact, I have not had a pap test in the past 6 years as well.

Because of my friend's heart and courage, I have been inspired to make an appointment for the tests. I'm not looking forward to it, but I will do it. There are, however, a few issues to consider. The main issue is that until about a year ago, I had health insurance. My HSA plan was supposed to pay for everything after I payed the first $5000.  The premium had doubled in a few short years, and we decided that it made more sense to make payments AFTER something happens than it was to pay their rising premiums for service that we never used.

People say, "How can you do that? What if something BAD happens?!"  Well, here's how I figure it: Premiums for a plan that had a $5000 deductible (that we never hit), plus what ever deductible we actually pay out was totaling about $4400 per year. Now, if I were to save that $4400 per year I could potentially insure myself for an expensive emergency (Average visit ranges from $1600 - $6500). More serious situations could take several years to pay off.

If I were to be diagnosed with a terminal illness, I currently have life insurance that would help my family recoup a good deal of that expense.

I guess my point is that when you weigh the chances of something bad happening vs the cost of the insurance, I believe we reached a point of diminishing return.  Does that mean that I expect the government to take care of me? No. I plan on doing my best to pay what I can. Anything that my insurance would have covered would be possible for me to repay anyway.

Here's hoping (and praying) that we get a clean bill of health... That I'll be paying for myself.

Cancer...

When we are young, illness, surgery and hospitals seem to be things we associate with old people. And by old, I mean over 30. As we age, we see them as realities and hardships that our friends and family go through. Every once in a while the "C" word enters the picture and we find ourselves asking questions we never dared to ask. Why me? Why them? How did this happen? What did I do wrong? And then we realize that cancer strikes for many reasons as often as it kills for no reason at all.

Steve Jobs died today. Steve was one of the founders of Apple, and most will tell you he was the reason for their success. At 56, he had more money than most people even dream about, yet it couldn't buy him a victory in his fight against cancer. His brilliance and vision has been compared to Walt Disney and Thomas Edison, but he didn't have the knowledge to cure himself.

Cancer is an evil opponent who never fights fair. Cancer doesn't care that you are rich, smart, good-looking or kind. It fights hard, and dirty. Sometimes you think you've beat it, and it quietly returns to claim it's victory. Although some have beaten it, no one wishes to fight a battle against cancer. It's a war that chooses it's victims, and leaves them no choice.

There is hope.

A beautiful friend of mine has been fighting breast cancer. She was diagnosed with a non-curable form of breast cancer, but she chooses to fight with an experimental treatment. Understanding that there is no cure, she has her life in order as she keeps a positive attitude and shakes her fist in the face of death. She has 4 children and a loving husband who are by her side. With their support, and her faith in God's plan for her life, she battles this horrid disease with an amazing attitude. She is a bald blessing in her pink chucks and matching purse. When you see her you will not feel sorry for her you will smile, because she is smiling.

I don't know what God's plan is for my friend, but I pray for her often. When she asks for prayers, it's not for herself but for her family. She is concerned for them. They can't bear to think of life without her, and who can blame them. I know my life has been blessed because she has been in it.

As my friend reminds me, there is always hope. God is in control, and we can handle all things with his help.

Expectations... not really what you think they'll be

A speaker in my past once said that the easiest way to have problems in a marriage before it begins is to have expectations. ...not shot-for-the-moon expectations, but ANY expectations.


You're at a baseball game, and your big hitter is up with the bases loaded. The team is down by only one run, so your slugger only has to hit a single to tie it up, but a double to win the game. He has an amazing batting average, and hits home runs off this pitcher almost every time he faces him. You know he can do it, and he has to do it, because the next batter is in a huge slump. He steps to the plate with only one out. The first pitch breezes by for a strike... the crowd is confident knowing that he's just checking out the pitcher. The second pitch is a bit low, so he doesn't swing and it's called strike 2! He steps back from the plate to take a practice swing, still confident that he can complete the task at hand. As the third pitch comes in, he begins to swing with all his power and notices, too late, that the ball is coming much slower...  strike 3.  The crowd is crushed. The team is only down by one run, and they still have one batter left, but they have given up. Their expectations of the the 2 players have caused them to be let down. They are now angry, upset, hurt...etc.


This happens in everyday life. We find that we come to expect certain things from our job, our boss, our co-workers, our spouse, our kids and even our God. When things don't go as we expect them to, it causes stress and discomfort. Why does this happen, and why do we have these expectations?


1. We believe in fairy tales.
From the time we are born, we are read books and see movies that always have a (somewhat unrealistic) happy ending. They make us feel good, but subconsciously we begin to believe that is how life should turn out. The prince should take one look at the maid and fall madly in love, bring her flowers, whisk her away on his white horse (or his Cadillac Escalade), marry her, and keep her in diamonds and pearls for the happily ever after. Don't laugh... you have no idea how many young women actually think that's reality. Thank you, Hollywood and Disney.


2. Life is not fair
You've seen the bumper sticker "S*&# Happens".  Well, it does. There will be days when you'll step in it, and there will be days when you fall face down in it while trying to jump over it. Don't doubt me on this. Thomas Edison once said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." We often can't stop the "s*&#" from happening, but we can adjust how we look at it... and if we're face down we can get a real up-close-and-personal look at it.  We can learn from it, and move on.


3. We think God should be following our plan
For those of us who believe in God, he has promised many things. Among those promises is joy. ...real joy, true joy. Joy is something we can have in spite of our situations. We find this as we get closer to trusting Him and His plan. However, we often try to jump ahead of God's timing, because we think we should "help Him out." Doesn't work that way. Especially when it comes to our spouse (or future spouse). Believe me, this is a lesson that you don't want to learn the hard way. 


Life rarely goes as we think it will. We need to clear our minds of our expectations, praise God in all things, and remember to trust in God's plan while we continue to work hard... especially at our marriage, and we will be blessed. 

Power tools... Not just for men anymore

Have you ever ran a power drill or a table saw? If so you know they are not called "power tools" for nothing. The newly sharpened or best kept tools can make you feel like a Greek god in certain situations. ...and no testosterone is required for use. (We not talking about tools used in X-rated movies... get your mind out of the gutter)

Years ago, and still some today, marketing experts would target men for the tools, and women for the house hold appliances. So, for Christmas, Dad got the chainsaw, and Mom got the food processor. Knowing what I know today, that hardly seems fair. Dad's gifts were so much cooler than Mom's. I mean, seriously, would you rather have a vacuum or sawzall? It's really not much of a contest.

It seems to me to be another of the many male conspiracies to keep women in the dark. (Not that we don't have our own that quietly keep them equally blind... but that's another topic for another day) If we knew how much fun they were having with that Milwaukee brad nail gun, we would gladly let them borrow the dishwasher while we finished building the dog house.

Don't be afraid to ask how to use the power equipment. After all, you don't want to lose a finger or even break a nail if you don't have to. If your husband will not teach you how to use HIS tools (he's probably afraid you'll actually use them with more impressive results that him), you should seek the help of a professional. The stores that sell these items will be happy to teach you how to use it safely. ...and don't forget that YouTube is always there if you need a refresher course.

So, ladies, all of those items you've been wanting your man to finish around the house can be finished by you. However, if you play your cards right, when he sees you head for his miter saw (and he knows you know how to use it) he may just step in and "offer" to go ahead and do that for you. Either way, the power is in your hands now. ;-)

For better or for worse... maybe?

I happened to catch a bit of a show called "The Talk" today. (Don't panic. It was a waiting room, and I had no choice.) The topic of conversation was marriage. Only hearing about 2 minutes of the conversation, I made out that they were discussing how to make a marriage last. I suppose that's one of the questions that people will be asking as long as there is the institution of marriage.

There was an older man sitting near by, and we began a discussion on the topic.  "I could tell you our secret," He said with a grin, "But you probably wouldn't believe it." Now, when a 70 something-year-old man gives you a line like that, it worries you as to what he may have to say.  I didn't press the issue any more than that. We discussed it for a while longer, listened to what the TV "experts" had to say, and came up with the following:

1. Life is hard sometimes.
We all face hardships and tough situations that cause stress on ourselves, and often on our relationships with others. How we respond to those situations and stress factors can determine whether or not we can experience true joy. Happiness and joy are really 2 different things. We have the right, under our constitution, to PURSUE happiness. We may never actually catch it, but we can always have joy. That is up to us.

2. We live in a disposable society.
In the microwave, drive through, paper plate world of "You're worth it" and "Have it your way" slogans. We actually become consumed with the idea that we can have what we want, when we want it, and when we decide we want something else, we toss it out and go get the next best thing. After all...  I have the RIGHT to be happy... don't I? (please refer to #1)

3. The grass is always greener on the other side on the fence.
There is rarely a situation when we look at what we have and say, "I have it all! Everything I'll ever want. I never need what the Jones family has." Yeah, right. It's in our nature to be competitive, to strive for more or to want the best we can get. ...and somehow it never seems to be on our side of the fence.

4. If you look for something (like a way out of a hard situation) you will probably find it.
Ever notice that when you buy a new car, suddenly your car is being driven by everyone? It was so unique when you drove it off the lot, and within the next week you see a dozen more driving through town. We often find what we look for. So, you take a rocky marriage, add in someone who is "just a good friend" to run to when you need a shoulder or a place to stay...  see where this is going? It's much easier to walk away from a situation than it is to rehash the issues over and over in search of a solution.

5. If you give yourself other options, you will not fully commit to working on the relationship.
If you're on a sinking ship and you have a chance at a life boat, unless you're Kate Winslet, you're probably going to take it. However, if there are no life boats, you are going to work like CRAZY to keep that boat from sinking! Let's face it, the harder you work, the better chance you have of saving the boat.

If we are unhappy with our lives then we begin making changes. Often times the most obvious change to us is our spouse. They are, after all, one of the biggest elements in our lives. But if we make changes WITH our spouse (not trying to change our spouse, BTW), it would seem that we would have the best opportunity to have a long, successful marriage.

New to the blog

Blogging is a very foreign concept to me. After all, didn't we try to avoid essays when we were in school? Yet, here we are. Is there any "blog parties" to welcome me to the neighborhood like the old fashioned block parties of the past? How does one really get started writing a blog?

It should be stated now that I'm not writing this for you to tweet or your facebook friends to share. I'm writing this for me. It's my diary of sorts. My thoughts... written down in a space where no one knows me. When you live in a small town, you must be careful of what is said to whom. It is not my intention to insult, belittle or hurt the feelings of anyone.

So... Feel free to read along, but know that 1st and foremost, these are not your thoughts and ideas, they are mine. Feel free to critique, but know that your insights will probably make little to no difference in my world. It sounds a bit rude, but if you don't like what you read, you are welcome to discontinue reading at any time.

I once told a friend that I was afraid to blog...  not because I was afraid that no one would want to read it, but because they possibly may.  That said, please note that my feelings wouldn't be hurt if I was the only one who ever saw these pages.