I happened to catch a bit of a show called "The Talk" today. (Don't panic. It was a waiting room, and I had no choice.) The topic of conversation was marriage. Only hearing about 2 minutes of the conversation, I made out that they were discussing how to make a marriage last. I suppose that's one of the questions that people will be asking as long as there is the institution of marriage.
There was an older man sitting near by, and we began a discussion on the topic. "I could tell you our secret," He said with a grin, "But you probably wouldn't believe it." Now, when a 70 something-year-old man gives you a line like that, it worries you as to what he may have to say. I didn't press the issue any more than that. We discussed it for a while longer, listened to what the TV "experts" had to say, and came up with the following:
1. Life is hard sometimes.
We all face hardships and tough situations that cause stress on ourselves, and often on our relationships with others. How we respond to those situations and stress factors can determine whether or not we can experience true joy. Happiness and joy are really 2 different things. We have the right, under our constitution, to PURSUE happiness. We may never actually catch it, but we can always have joy. That is up to us.
2. We live in a disposable society.
In the microwave, drive through, paper plate world of "You're worth it" and "Have it your way" slogans. We actually become consumed with the idea that we can have what we want, when we want it, and when we decide we want something else, we toss it out and go get the next best thing. After all... I have the RIGHT to be happy... don't I? (please refer to #1)
3. The grass is always greener on the other side on the fence.
There is rarely a situation when we look at what we have and say, "I have it all! Everything I'll ever want. I never need what the Jones family has." Yeah, right. It's in our nature to be competitive, to strive for more or to want the best we can get. ...and somehow it never seems to be on our side of the fence.
4. If you look for something (like a way out of a hard situation) you will probably find it.
Ever notice that when you buy a new car, suddenly your car is being driven by everyone? It was so unique when you drove it off the lot, and within the next week you see a dozen more driving through town. We often find what we look for. So, you take a rocky marriage, add in someone who is "just a good friend" to run to when you need a shoulder or a place to stay... see where this is going? It's much easier to walk away from a situation than it is to rehash the issues over and over in search of a solution.
5. If you give yourself other options, you will not fully commit to working on the relationship.
If you're on a sinking ship and you have a chance at a life boat, unless you're Kate Winslet, you're probably going to take it. However, if there are no life boats, you are going to work like CRAZY to keep that boat from sinking! Let's face it, the harder you work, the better chance you have of saving the boat.
If we are unhappy with our lives then we begin making changes. Often times the most obvious change to us is our spouse. They are, after all, one of the biggest elements in our lives. But if we make changes WITH our spouse (not trying to change our spouse, BTW), it would seem that we would have the best opportunity to have a long, successful marriage.
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