A speaker in my past once said that the easiest way to have problems in a marriage before it begins is to have expectations. ...not shot-for-the-moon expectations, but ANY expectations.
You're at a baseball game, and your big hitter is up with the bases loaded. The team is down by only one run, so your slugger only has to hit a single to tie it up, but a double to win the game. He has an amazing batting average, and hits home runs off this pitcher almost every time he faces him. You know he can do it, and he has to do it, because the next batter is in a huge slump. He steps to the plate with only one out. The first pitch breezes by for a strike... the crowd is confident knowing that he's just checking out the pitcher. The second pitch is a bit low, so he doesn't swing and it's called strike 2! He steps back from the plate to take a practice swing, still confident that he can complete the task at hand. As the third pitch comes in, he begins to swing with all his power and notices, too late, that the ball is coming much slower... strike 3. The crowd is crushed. The team is only down by one run, and they still have one batter left, but they have given up. Their expectations of the the 2 players have caused them to be let down. They are now angry, upset, hurt...etc.
This happens in everyday life. We find that we come to expect certain things from our job, our boss, our co-workers, our spouse, our kids and even our God. When things don't go as we expect them to, it causes stress and discomfort. Why does this happen, and why do we have these expectations?
1. We believe in fairy tales.
From the time we are born, we are read books and see movies that always have a (somewhat unrealistic) happy ending. They make us feel good, but subconsciously we begin to believe that is how life should turn out. The prince should take one look at the maid and fall madly in love, bring her flowers, whisk her away on his white horse (or his Cadillac Escalade), marry her, and keep her in diamonds and pearls for the happily ever after. Don't laugh... you have no idea how many young women actually think that's reality. Thank you, Hollywood and Disney.
2. Life is not fair
You've seen the bumper sticker "S*&# Happens". Well, it does. There will be days when you'll step in it, and there will be days when you fall face down in it while trying to jump over it. Don't doubt me on this. Thomas Edison once said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." We often can't stop the "s*&#" from happening, but we can adjust how we look at it... and if we're face down we can get a real up-close-and-personal look at it. We can learn from it, and move on.
3. We think God should be following our plan
For those of us who believe in God, he has promised many things. Among those promises is joy. ...real joy, true joy. Joy is something we can have in spite of our situations. We find this as we get closer to trusting Him and His plan. However, we often try to jump ahead of God's timing, because we think we should "help Him out." Doesn't work that way. Especially when it comes to our spouse (or future spouse). Believe me, this is a lesson that you don't want to learn the hard way.
Life rarely goes as we think it will. We need to clear our minds of our expectations, praise God in all things, and remember to trust in God's plan while we continue to work hard... especially at our marriage, and we will be blessed.
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